This morning I woke up with Baby, It’s Cold Outside running through my head. I got up and headed to the closet for my meditation session. As I lit the candle and placed the chair cushion on the floor, the song was still going strong. I turned off the overhead light, sat on the cushion, checked my posture, took a deep breath, pressed the start button on my meditation app, and then: I really can’t stay – Baby, it’s cold outside…
Unlike the racing thoroughbred thoughts I’ve had to reign in the last few days, this song wasn’t a thought running wild, it was just there in the background. Like the music you hear while walking through a department store. I tried to harness it, but I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from. I managed to keep my other racing thoughts pretty well in check today as I focused on my breathing, but I could not stop the song. I couldn’t even get it to pause.
When I started meditating earlier this week, I thought sitting still for even the five minutes I’d allotted would be horrific. The time hasn’t been bad, but it has been harder than I expected to keep my thoughts focused and now, today, with this background music, I realize this practice goes deeper and is even harder, in surprising ways, than I had anticipated. Last month it was writing a book – hard. This month it’s keeping my mind still during meditation – hard. Perhaps that’s why we put these practices off until “someday” – they’re hard. Unlike the song running through my mind – At least I’m going to say that I tried – What’s the sense of hurting my pride – pride or no pride, I really am going to try.
366 Somedays 