Voice of Fear

Recap:

Month One’s goal was to write and publish a book in 30 days.  Failed to finish, but still working on the book.  It’s only a fail in terms of the timeframe.

Month Two’s goal is to develop a meditation practice.  I am meditating every morning, but don’t seem to be getting any better at keeping my mind reigned in.

Month Three’s goal (next month) is to set off on a challenge to walk or run 1200 exercise miles in 2016.  Thoughts on that?  Total fear!

I’ve been sick for two weeks and other than a short one-mile walk with the dogs a week ago, I haven’t exercised at all.  As the days pile up and I struggle to get through the basics of what has to be done each day, I’m beginning to feel a little panicky about the idea of trying to maintain an average four-mile/day, six days/week schedule starting January 1^st.  I wrote about “resistance” early on and I now know to identify this type of fear as simply resistance, but I must admit to feeling discouraged about the amount of fear I’m able to generate.  I wake up in the morning with my head and chest congested, my body aching, and I think, What if I get sick after January 1^st?  How would I maintain my running/walking schedule?  Two weeks of missed workouts is 48 missed miles!

Part of challenging myself to “366 Somedays” is the exploration of why we put off so many goals and desires to “someday”.  There’s the excuses of lack of time, limited resources, other commitments, but I have realized perhaps the biggest reason, excuse, rationalization, whatever you want to call it, is FEAR.  Fear of failing.  Fear of embarrassment.  Fear of “what if?”  FEAR.  I’ve also realized most of my FEAR comes from inside my head.  I’m beginning to think perhaps the most substantial growth I’ll experience this year is learning to quiet the Voice of Fear inside my head.  My goal can be summed up in a quote from Yanni:  I don’t have a You Can’t Do This voice in my head.

Resistance be Damned

There are seven days in a week and someday is not one of them.

November is a busy month.  In addition to having two national holidays, November is also National Adoption Month (a recognition near and dear to my heart), No Shave November (which I just learned is a way to raise cancer awareness since many cancer patients lose their hair), and it’s also the month of two writing challenges:  NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and WNFIN (Write Non-fiction in November) aka NaNonFiWriMo (National Non-fiction Writing Month).  That’s a mouthful!

I began writing in earnest seven years ago with the launch of my blog, Debbie Does 50!  At first I wrote several days a week, then my writing became less and less frequent to the point where I haven’t really been writing at all this past year.  I knew I needed to get back to writing regularly.  I like what writing does for me personally and I have things to say.  I knew I needed to set aside time in my day to write and to organize my writing if I was ever to actually write a book – something I have always thought I’d do someday.

A couple months ago I started receiving information about WNFIN and my interest was piqued.  Perhaps this was the impetus I needed to get my fingers back on the keyboard.  I spent several weeks rolling the idea around in my head and having multiple conversations with myself about my writing abilities (or lack thereof), my available time (or lack thereof), and general naysaying (of which there was a great deal).  We all have these conversations with ourselves (at least I hope I’m not the only one talking to myself inside my head).  I recently listened to the book Do the Work by Steven Pressfield.  He refers to the other half of these conversations as “Resistance”.  Let me just say, Resistance was alive and well in my brain, but I’m a strong person and after much discussion, I put Resistance in its place and signed up for WNFIN.

November has 30 days.  For me, someday is one of them.  Someday is Now!

Tomorrow:  Gearing up for WNFIN