Wish vs. Do

Think deeply and separate what you wish from what you’re prepared to do.

–Percy Cerutty

A view from my afternoon walk

Yesterday I walked – twice.  I also made cards.  I ended the day feeling relaxed and peaceful (even with the political storm swirling around).  I walk or run in the morning almost everyday, but yesterday I went longer than normal and, later, when the beautiful November afternoon beckoned, I didn’t look at my extensive To-Do list; I went outside.  Before my afternoon walk, I spent a few hours working on greeting cards I wanted to send out.  A couple of hours slipped by as I experimented with my cutting machine, selected papers, found quotes, glued and taped, but they were restorative hours that were thoroughly enjoyable.

During the twelve months of this 366 Somedays, I will have tried twelve activities I’ve always thought I wanted in my life.  I’ve discovered some of these activities simply don’t call to my heart as I thought they would – speaking Italian, for example.  Sure, I’d love to speak Italian, but not enough to put in the time to learn it.  Unfortunately, the same may be true for learning to play drums.  I’m not ready to cross that one off my list, but I’m getting close.

Yesterday, as I practiced a little self-care, I realized I really love walking and running, especially when I do them outdoors.  I also really love making cards and playing with paper.  It dawned on me that a benefit of this 366 Somedays process is I’m homing in on activities I truly love and am prepared to pursue as well as discovering which activities are simply wishful and probably need to fall by the wayside.  I want to spend my time pursuing those activities that leave me with the relaxed, peaceful feeling I experienced last night.  That feeling shouldn’t be reserved for days when I have made a concerted effort at self-care.  That feeling should be the norm and getting there requires letting some activities go in order to focus on others.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring…

I awoke this morning to the sound of rain on the roof.  Having lived my entire life in the Pacific Northwest, I’m used to waking up to the sound of rain.  I snuggled deeper into my blankets, letting the sound lull me in my cocoon.  It was lovely – until I realized I needed to get out and put in my four miles.  Four miles in the rain.  Four miles in the dark.

One of the benefits (if you can call it that) of having this 1200-mile goal for the year is I don’t want to miss a day.  I don’t want to fall behind in my mileage.  If I wasn’t participating in this 1200-mile challenge, I probably would have settled back in to bed and listened to the rain.  Or, I might have been really ambitious – I might have actually gotten out of bed to sit snuggled by the window with my coffee while watching the rain come down.  But, no, I didn’t do either of those.  Instead, I got up, put on my rain clothes and headed out the door into the predawn darkness.

It wasn’t just wet; I soon realized it was colder than I had expected.  I hadn’t brought gloves and my hands were soon wet and frigid.  I was wearing a baseball cap to keep the rain off my face, but it was raining too hard for that to be very effective.  I wasn’t sure if the moisture dripping off my nose was rain or snot.

The trail I walk on is a well used trail, but I didn’t meet any other walkers or runners this morning in the dark and with the rain coming down hard.  I did see four other people standing outside, in the dark, in the rain, but they weren’t out for exercise.  Each of them was outside for a cigarette break!  Really??  I had to pull my butt out of bed to force myself outside for reasons of health and fitness and here these folks were standing outside, in the rain, to smoke a cigarette?  Unbelievable!

I normally do an out and back and then head out again for a shorter out and back to get in my four miles.  Like a horse that heads back to the barn too quickly, I knew I couldn’t tempt myself with a return to the house until the full four miles was done, so I had to plan my route to take me far enough away to make it less likely I’d cut the walk short.  As I walked, I thought about what I’d write for this blog and the blog became a motivator.  After all, it wouldn’t do to write about walking four miles in the rain if I didn’t actually finish the four miles.

According to the nursery rhyme, it’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring.  Not for me!  My version:  It’s raining, it’s pouring, my mileage is soaring.

Shine

As my meditation practice (December’s “someday”) continues, I’ve been researching different types of meditation to come up with what works best for me.  Last week I discovered several guided meditations available through a service I’m subscribed to.  I’ve been using them intermittently with my mindfulness practice.  I like the idea of sometimes being guided instead of having to rein in my thoughts myself.

This morning, I clicked on a “loving-kindness” meditation and – wow!  In this meditation style you basically select a few phrases or wishes which you first direct at yourself and then at others:  someone you love, someone who is neutral, someone with whom there is discord, and, finally, the entire world.  The list of phrases from this morning’s guided meditation was extensive, but the list can be whatever you choose:  may I be healthy, may I be strong, may I feel peace, may I feel joyful, may I be free of mental suffering, etc.

This type of meditation appeals to me as a way to bring positive energy into myself and then send it out to others.  It feels like a form of prayer directed to the universe instead of a deity.  This might be a little too woo-woo for some, but I thoroughly enjoyed my meditation session this morning and I’m filled with excitement to pursue the idea of loving-kindness throughout my day.  Maybe if you’re standing in line in front of me at the grocery store today you’ll feel a little shot of peace and joy run through your heart and wonder where that came from.

Buddha said, “Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds – shine!”  I find it interesting that I found so much joy (perhaps found my inner self) in this meditation practice that is actually reaching out to others.  So, if you feel that little shot today, it might just be me shining.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

This morning I woke up with Baby, It’s Cold Outside running through my head.  I got up and headed to the closet for my meditation session.  As I lit the candle and placed the chair cushion on the floor, the song was still going strong.  I turned off the overhead light, sat on the cushion, checked my posture, took a deep breath, pressed the start button on my meditation app, and then:  I really can’t stay – Baby, it’s cold outside…

Unlike the racing thoroughbred thoughts I’ve had to reign in the last few days, this song wasn’t a thought running wild, it was just there in the background.  Like the music you hear while walking through a department store.  I tried to harness it, but I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from.  I managed to keep my other racing thoughts pretty well in check today as I focused on my breathing, but I could not stop the song.  I couldn’t even get it to pause.

When I started meditating earlier this week, I thought sitting still for even the five minutes I’d allotted would be horrific.  The time hasn’t been bad, but it has been harder than I expected to keep my thoughts focused and now, today, with this background music, I realize this practice goes deeper and is even harder, in surprising ways, than I had anticipated.  Last month it was writing a book – hard.  This month it’s keeping my mind still during meditation – hard.  Perhaps that’s why we put these practices off until “someday” – they’re hard.  Unlike the song running through my mind – At least I’m going to say that I tried – What’s the sense of hurting my pride – pride or no pride, I really am going to try.

Prepare to Plow Your Field

My “someday” for November is to participate in Write Non-fiction in November (WNFIN).  The challenge is to spend the month writing and completing a non-fiction work.  My challenge did not begin with November 1^st, however.  Once I decided to accept this challenge, I began preparing.

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
                                       –Abraham Lincoln

For me, part of preparing to write is to think – a lot.  I often know exactly what I will write before I sit down to put words on the page.  So, in preparing for this challenge, I thought about my topic.  I also searched the internet for ideas on how to accomplish the challenge of writing daily for a month and actually finishing a book.  I read transcripts of interviews, watched videos, took notes, and I thought.

The thing about thinking is, even though it does require some brain-quiet and a little dedication, it is relatively easy.  I can think while working out.  I can think while cleaning the kitchen.  I can think pretty much anywhere.  But in order to get something done, the thinking has to move to doing.

“You can’t plow a field by simply turning it over in your mind.”
                                          –Gordon B. Hinckley

I am now off to plow my field.