challenges | 366 Somedays

Way back toward the beginning of this 366 Somedays journey, I had to make a choice between two “Somedays”: yoga and meditation. I felt the two were too closely related to do both as valid “Somedays” on their own. I ended up choosing meditation because I know my mind pings out of control too frequently. I have not continued a daily meditation practice, though I have used what I learned so I’m able to sit meditatively for five to ten minutes in the morning on days when I feel overwhelmed.

Yoga was still sitting out there as a “Someday”. As it’s hovered there in my desires, I’ve found myself increasingly stiff. This stiffness began a few years ago and it has just continued to get worse. I felt I needed to stretch more, do more strength training. My body was feeling old and I was grasping at straws without really making the effort to grab them.

Then, earlier this month, a friend’s blog on quilting popped up in my email inbox as having a new post. I clicked on it and read what I think will be a life-changing account of her decision to commit to 31 days of yoga and to pursue becoming a yogi (one who regularly practices yoga). My friend is using Yoga with Adriene’s online (free) YouTube videos for her 31-day commitment. I checked it out and immediately signed up, sequestered myself from the rest of my family, and did the first session. I’d like to have some witty words for how I felt, but all I can come up with is, “Wow!”

I’m two weeks into the program and I feel great! I am light years away from being able to do the poses and transitions like Adriene does, but I’m moving along and I can tell I’m making little steps of progress and, best of all, I am not feeling nearly as stiff as I was just two weeks ago. I’m not taking my yoga practice out in public. The sanctity of my private space is perfect for my humble attempts at graceful movement, but I will continue this practice. Am I sorry I didn’t make yoga an official “Someday”? Not at all. If I weren’t taking this journey and allowing myself to be open to new activities, I’m not sure I would have so readily jumped on the bandwagon when my friend wrote about it. It seems silly to pose this as a “mini-Someday” because it’s definitely not “mini”, but I’ll take it as a “mini” or a “monthly”. I’m excited where this will take me and that really is the purpose of this journey.

This morning I woke up with Baby, It’s Cold Outside running through my head. I got up and headed to the closet for my meditation session. As I lit the candle and placed the chair cushion on the floor, the song was still going strong. I turned off the overhead light, sat on the cushion, checked my posture, took a deep breath, pressed the start button on my meditation app, and then: I really can’t stay – Baby, it’s cold outside…

Unlike the racing thoroughbred thoughts I’ve had to reign in the last few days, this song wasn’t a thought running wild, it was just there in the background. Like the music you hear while walking through a department store. I tried to harness it, but I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from. I managed to keep my other racing thoughts pretty well in check today as I focused on my breathing, but I could not stop the song. I couldn’t even get it to pause.

When I started meditating earlier this week, I thought sitting still for even the five minutes I’d allotted would be horrific. The time hasn’t been bad, but it has been harder than I expected to keep my thoughts focused and now, today, with this background music, I realize this practice goes deeper and is even harder, in surprising ways, than I had anticipated. Last month it was writing a book – hard. This month it’s keeping my mind still during meditation – hard. Perhaps that’s why we put these practices off until “someday” – they’re hard. Unlike the song running through my mind – At least I’m going to say that I tried – What’s the sense of hurting my pride – pride or no pride, I really am going to try.